Bush Puts Middies to Sleep

President Bush today managed to put 75% of the Naval Academy midshipmen to sleep. Of course, this was just while waiting for him to show up. Or was it?

Wanted: Impartial Jurist

Immediate need for an impartial judge in Texas. Must not belong to, nor have ever contributed to, any political party (especially Democratic or Republican). Must have a squeaky-clean record (and we mean squeaky-clean), as your entire life will no doubt be reviewed by partisan hacks (and most likely dragged through the mud). Must have a high tolerance for political B.S. and be able to stomach incessant lying, deceit and malfeasance. Absolutely must not know, nor have ever had any association (including chance encounters, eating at the same restaurant, golf at the same country club, friends in common, etc.) with the defendent, Sen. Tom Delay. Applications accepted at Travis County courthouse.