Please appoint me as your new Attorney General. I have many of the same qualities you have come to admire in your current [outgoing] AG Gonzales:
- I have watched many hours of Law and Order (ka-chung), from which I have gained a great knowledge of legal matters.
- I have a very bad memory. To help me with this, I have written the following on a small piece of paper (which I carry with me at all times): "I do not recall."
- Like AG Gonzales, I too prefer to delegate real work to others.
- Also like AG Gonzales, I would hire some young people for key positions in the Justice department. For example, I think this young lady would be perfectly suited for a job in my Justice department.
- I'm Ok with torture—as long as it isn't me being tortured.
- And, finally, I would be your very best friend. (I can come visit the ranch, right?)
Your friend (wink wink),
ps: If I get the job, I will need to purchase a new suit (and tie, and shoes, etc.). Can you loan me $20, as Wal-Mart no longer extends me credit.