Grumpy for U.S. Attorney General

Dear President Bush:
Please appoint me as your new Attorney General. I have many of the same qualities you have come to admire in your current [outgoing] AG Gonzales:

• I have watched many hours of Law and Order (ka-chung), from which I have gained a great knowledge of legal matters.
• I have a very bad memory. To help me with this, I have written the following on a small piece of paper (which I carry with me at all times): "I do not recall."
• Like AG Gonzales, I too prefer to delegate real work to others.
  
• Also like AG Gonzales, I would hire some young people for key positions in the Justice department. For example, I think this young lady would be perfectly suited for a job in my Justice department.
• I'm Ok with torture—as long as it isn't me being tortured.
• And, finally, I would be your very best friend. (I can come visit the ranch, right?)

Please let me know as soon as possible if I have the job.

Your friend (wink wink),

Grumpy

ps: If I get the job, I will need to purchase a new suit (and tie, and shoes, etc.). Can you loan me $20, as Wal-Mart no longer extends me credit.